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文章标签 ‘经典’

经典笑话集粹

2008年3月21日 转烛 4 条评论

1 同事问我:克林顿的老婆是希拉克吗?
2 有一次我向人借钱,本来想说的是"等我取了钱就还你"说成"等我有了钱就取你",汗
3 同学叫于京波,一日来信,宿舍门卫在宿舍门口大叫:干凉皮、干凉皮的信!
4 我们语文老师:请大家把书翻到120块钱,全班皆晕,后这位老师得绰号"财迷"呵呵
5 有一次朋友在家看碟,光盘质量不好。朋友说到:“怎么这么多马克思啊。” 半晌后才明白他是说马塞克!
6 一个哥们结婚,给他红包。哥们客气的说不用我说:那哪行,一年就一次,一定得拿着。
7 初中时分角色朗读《白毛女》,一男生(杨白劳):扯了二斤红头绳,给我喜儿扎起来……
老师:又不是包木乃伊…
8 偶打饭的时候,执着的指着菜花说:来份土豆。
大妈问:菜花?
偶继续指着菜花说:土豆
大妈又问:到底是土豆还是菜花?
偶急了说:这不是土豆...厄,菜花吗?
现在想起来也够让人吐血的,sorry了,卖饭的大妈
9 去买糕点,本来想说“来两个黄梨派加一个蛋塔”,结果说成了“来两个黄鹂鸣蛋塔”,更郁闷的是店主竟然听懂了......
10 大学时我们班有个女生叫刘芸。一次,别的班的同学给她捎来一封信。信封上她的的“芸”字中下半部“云”上面一横,由于写得太潦草,横变成了点。结果那同学拿着信就在我们楼道里叫“刘芒,谁叫刘芒,有你一封信。”全楼道的人都跑出来看刘芒(流氓)了。结果那叫刘芸的女生就无奈地被叫了四年的流氓。
11 曾经有一段时间家里闹耗子,我妈就买了耗子药来维护家庭安宁,但是一个耗子都没药倒。一天大老早的,我妈起床看了看门旮旯里的耗子药,自语“这药怎么没有人吃啊?~~~”全家晕倒。。。
12 英语老师教语法,下课前问大家:“我都讲完了,大家还有明白的么?”我们齐声答:“没有了!”
13 举杯邀明月,低头思故乡。
14 有次大热天的打麻将,突然停电了,只好买了蜡烛继续战斗.过了半个小时,实在热得受不了了,一人说:“还是开电风扇吧,热死了。”另一人接口:“不能开,开了会把蜡烛吹灭的。”
15 俗话说:杀人放火,欠债还钱。
16 物理课上老师讲到放射性元素,说:放射性元素很危险,你们人类一定要远离它!!
17 吃不到葡萄就吐葡萄皮
18 在公司接了个电话,是制衣公司推销的,不停的说给某某大公司做过统一服装之类。本人逮到对方说话间隙,冲口一句:“我们公司统一不着装!”对方悄声几秒后说了声“打扰了”挂断。
19 我们大学老师:我要找一男一女三位同学……全班同学开始四处张望,寻找李宇春。
20 晚自习回宿舍,路遇一天仙mm,遂尾随一直想搭讪,却无胆上前,直到天仙mm即将走入女生楼牙一咬,跨步上前,大声问那位mm:同学,请问你是女的吗?后来……后来我享受了该天仙mm两年的白眼
21 邓论课,老师激昂澎湃:有多少英雄儿女,缠绵于地下……
22 同学的毕业作品是用大红布做成凤凰状缝在黑色的袍状服装上.
答辩的老师问:为什么凤凰要用红色而不是其它颜色?
那位同学一激动就脱口而出:因为凤凰欲火焚身!!(估计是想说浴火重生). 3秒后,来看答辩的同学狂笑不止,我笑的肚子都扭了!
23 初中时候老师叫背木兰辞(老师比较BT),紧张...阿弟闻姊来,磨刀霍霍向爹娘(猪羊).......
全班暴笑,自己也笑,结果后面全忘了,还好老师没罚~~
24 苍天呀,大地呀,窦娥比我还冤呀!
24 帮LP买WSJ,结果到商店看了半天也不知道买什么,于是就随便拿了一包问店主:“老板,这个好用不?”老板(男的)呆呆看了我5秒钟,说:“这个我也没用过!”
25 小时候,爸爸看我写作文。有个很简单的字写错了,爸爸笑着跟我妈说:“我发现你的儿子很笨。”我急了,大声跟我爸说:“你的儿子才笨!” -_-b
26 兵来土掩 水来将挡
27 我妈有一次去银行交水费。交了钱以后银行的人说:您这钱不够啊, 这儿还有第二页,这个也得交。
我妈:第二页是什么
工作人员:污水
我妈:我家从来不喝污水。
28 我们的高中办主任又一次怒斥我们上课不好好听讲的时候说到:“你们以后再这样,就别怪我翻脸不是人了!”
29 数学老师招牌动作举起两根手指,对同学们说:“同学们,学好数学关键就是三个字!!"多做练习!!"”
30 那天我说女朋友笨的跟猪一样,她就拧我,特疼,一直不松手,我一急,说:“我告你妈你虐待猪!”
31 一日,跟我爸妈还有弟弟去拜观音我没怎么睡醒,往前一站就说:受苦受难的观世音菩萨啊……
爸妈:-____-|||
弟弟:-____-||||
菩萨:T_____T||||||
32 大二上FoxPro课时,一个老师开始点我们上课有多少人,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,勾……(突然停住了)
33 某日,偶亲爱的妈咪叫偶去买花椒。
妈咪:“去买一斤花椒回来。”
偶:“一斤??!买那么多干嘛?”
妈咪:“废话~炒菜用!!!”
偶郁闷+诧异的出门去买,临出门时又特别的问了句:“确定买一斤啊?!”
回答偶滴的老娘的白眼!汗……
到菜市场后,偶越想越不对,花椒干嘛买一斤啊,也太多了吧?!掏出电话———再次确认!
得到回答还是一样:一斤花椒!!!
一斤花椒28块钱,老板给我称好,装袋。偶正要掏钱时,电话响~~~老妈?!
只听电话那边咆哮:“错啦!错啦!!不是一斤,不是一斤,是一两!!!”
爆汗!!!!
34 刚交房的时候,来往的人多,每次保安会盘问。我本来想说我是业主的,结果经常说成我是楼主...,趁保安大脑短路的时候我赶紧跑路。
35 我最鄙视的人就是鄙视别人的人!

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宝洁的八道经典面试题(原始版、附参考答案)

2008年3月21日 转烛 没有评论
宝洁公司招聘题号称由高级人力资源专家设计,无论您如实或编造回答, 都能反应您某一方面的能力。

             宝洁著名的八道面试
Procter & Gamble Asia Management Application Form Supplemental Data

宝洁公司招聘题号称由高级人力资源专家设计,无论您如实或编造回答, 都能反应您某 一方面的能力。 核心部分的题如下:

Please provide concise examples that will help us better understand your capabilities.

1、Describe an instance where you set your sights on a high/demanding goal and saw it though completion.

 Demnding Goal: To design a musical and dramatic show to celebrate the centennial Anniversary of Tianjin University.

 The person who reach this goal: Chairman of Tianjin University Student Union What I learned from this observation: It is not necessary for a true leader to be an expert in such or such field of his career. But he must possess the charismatic and the capacity to drive different people, who have diverging opinions, or even conflicting interests, to proceed togother to the same organizational goal.

2、Summarize a situation where you took the initiative to get others on an important task or issue, and played a leading role to achieve the results you wanted.

The activity I initiated: To organize a group to sing English anthems on Charistmas Eve, visit all domitories in university and send christmas gifts on behalf of our English Association

The desired result: To broaden the students' horizons about Western culture.

My leading role: Combine the representatitives' suggestions with my idea and draw the decision on:
*What songs to play?
*Who could attend the choir?
*Which spots we performed on?

The result: Many students said that they felt the warmness we sent to them and they hoped we would hold such activities next Charistmas.

3、Describe a situation where you had seek out relevant information, define key issues, and decide on which steps to take to get the desired results.

Background: I organized the first activity after the establishment of the Management School English Association.

The desired result: To help the freshmen and the sophomores with their English while publicizing our group.

Key issue:
*What aspect of the students' English abilities needed refining? Relevant Information:
*What kind of entertainment was popular among students and also offered chances for them to learn English most effectively?
*Which foreign teacher was suitable for this position?
*When was our member free? *Whch place was convenient for most attendances?
*Other related factors, such as the availibility of facilities and the layout of the spots.

4、Describe an instance where you made effective use of facts to secure the agreement of others.

Background: I advanced a plan to found an English Garden in collaboration with fraternal association in neighboring university.

The disagreement:
*The authority of our school may dissent.
*The cost was expensive, and we had no enough human resoure to carry on this project.
*There were too many English corners. Another one was unneccessaty. The facts I made use:
*Our dean approved this proposal.
*Our partner was willing to provide financial assistantship. And our members volunteered to design the details of the plan and implement it.
*The poll showed that the current English corners did not meet the students' requirement and lacked uniqueness. The result: Others were convinced and we founded the English Garden successfully.

5、Give an example of how you worked effectively with people to accomplish an important result.

Background: In the military training, we hold a Military Songs Competition.

Working procedure:
Design: I cooperated with my collegues to figure out the climax of the performance, the musical accompaniment of the songs and the whole arrnagement of the narrative poem.
Rehearsal: I worked together with those who were in charge of the lights, sounds and scenes to create the perfect artistic effect.
On stage: I reminded my fellows with gestures and eye expressions. Also, we coped with an emergency coherently.
The result: Our military team won the second prize in this competition.

6、Describe a creative/innovative idea that you produced which led to a significant contribution to the success of an activity or project.

Activity: To hold the Perspective Entrepreneur Contest.

The innovative idea I produced: To simulat a board meeting of a company, in which our candidates debated the feasibility of selling modern fitness equipment according to the market information they collected.

The result: The contest was hold based on my proposal.

7、Provide an example of how you assessed a situation and achieved good results by focusing on the most important priorities.

Background: On one morning when our promotion month first began, I found that the inventories in some department stores were not adequate.

My assessment of the situation: The four promoting stores were not very far from each other, and the time they opened was not the same. It was possible to fetch some stock from another store and made up for it later.

The priorities: To satisfy the stocking demand of the store which had the largest number of customers.

8、Provide an example of how you acquired technical skills and converted them to practical application.
Background: In the inverstigation of customers' opinions about the taste of a new kind of beer, I found that the questionnaire form was out of date and limited the freedom of the responsers' choices.

Technical skills: The scientific arrangement of questionnaire form

The result: With the help the converted form, our company obtained more objective and effective information..